The Enormous Potential of Hope

When we find ourselves in that place of "fearing the worst, but yearning for better".

Journal Entry 10/9/2016 (Written in the air somewhere between Boston and New Zealand).

Overwhelmed. I feel so overwhelmed by fear I can barely breathe. Alone, will I always be alone? Am I going to be able to provide for myself? Will I ever belong - anywhere? My chest feels so tight. I have to breathe. Just breathe. No panic attack on a plane Kathy. This guy next to me does not look interested in drama. Just keep breathing. Honestly, what are the plans for this one beautiful crazy life of mine? This third chance. We all get one. I got another when I survived cancer almost 15 years ago. And now, here I am, offered a third. Isn’t that something? Don’t waste it. For fucks sake, don’t waste this one. This divorce is the end of something, yes, but it is also the beginning of something. I can’t let it be the totality of who I am.

“If you want to live a life you’ve never lived before, you have to do things you’ve never done.” Unknown

Seriously, I’m on a plane to New Zealand. Running away from a life that will never ever be the same. Running toward… what? What am I actually doing? I feel like I am in between worlds. Like the mist that rises in the moments before dawn or settles after a violent storm. Mist, me, moving out of darkness into light which seems so fleeting, but is it? Or could it mean moving, slowly moving from this life of feeling suppressed, disconnected, used, taken advantage of and unloved to a new life where holding my breath does not feel safer than breathing. One where I feel seen, chosen even and loved for who I am. Can I even imagine that? I want to. A world where I am confident in who I am, doing meaningful work, able to share it radiantly with the world around me?? Sounds delightful, but is it even possible?

I never realized until the shattering of this life as I knew it how big a gap there was between who my husband appeared to be and the person he held inside him. The same is true about me. I was not living authentically either. What does that even mean — authenticity? I have no idea who I am. But I know that I am on this plane because there is something inside of me that wants to find out. For now I just need to trust that little part of me is strong and can lift this weight that is sitting on my chest and stop the constant flow of tears that keep dripping onto this journal.

“This is like nothing I ever expected. And that, I think, is a marvelous thing. Who wants what’s expected?” Lauren Groff from her book Fates & Furies

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Hope Theory – “You can get there from here.”

Willpower and Waypower

The word hope is derived from the Old English and literally means to "leap forward with expectation." The late Dr. C.R. Snyder defined hope as “a clear conceptualization of goals based on both "willpower" and "waypower," where one is able not only to create the pathways to realizing a vision, but also to sustain the mental energy and perseverance to travel those pathways effectively.” He likened this process to the old adage of "having the will and the way.

Hope not only helps us live with a difficult present but also with an uncertain future.

According to Snyder’s Hope Theory (Snyder, 1991), hopefulness is a life-sustaining human strength comprised of three distinct but related components:

1. Goals Thinking – the clear conceptualization of valuable goals. A future that fires you up!

2. Willpower- Agency Thinking – the ability to initiate and sustain the motivation for using those strategies. You believe that you have the power to make that future a reality. That spark of belief in yourself and your ability to bring your goals to life.

3. Waypower - Pathways Thinking – the capacity to develop specific strategies to reach those goals. You need to know that there are many ways to reach your goal (get from here to there) and that none of those paths are free of obstacles.

What is Hope?

“How we think about the future—how we hope—determines how well we live our lives.” Shane Lopez.

Let’s start by differentiating three different ways we can think about the future. Gabriel Oettingen tells us they are fantasizing, dwelling and hoping.

Fantasizing = Pure big shiny awesome. It’s all (unrealistically) perfect.

Dwelling = All the things that can go wrong. It all (unrealistically) sucks.

HOPING = Combining the best of those—we’re fired up about an exciting future and we are also aware of the inherent challenges to making that future a reality.

Although most of the other positive emotions arise when you feel safe and satiated, hope is an exception. If everything were already going your way, there would be little that you’d need to hope for. Hope comes into play when things are not going well for you, or there’s considerable uncertainty about how things will turn out.

Hope arises precisely within those moments when hopelessness or despair seem just as likely. Perhaps you’ve just failed an important test, lost your job, found a lump in your breast, or scooped up your child after a bloody bike accident. Hope, in desperate situations like these, is ‘fearing the worst but yearning for better.’ Deep within the core of hope is the belief that things can change. No matter how awful or uncertain they are at the moment, things can turn out better. Possibilities exist. Hope sustains you. It keeps you from collapsing into despair. It motivates you to tap into your own capabilities and inventiveness to turn things around. It inspires you to plan for a better future.

In our minds, our beliefs connect the dots between ourselves and the future, which primes us for hope. Hopeful people share core beliefs that set them apart:

1. The future will be better than the present

2. I have the power to make it so

Belief and expectation—the key elements of hope.

In July 2002 published in The New England Journal of Medicine there was a landmark study demonstrating the impact of placebo on pain in the musculoskeletal malady caused by arthritis in the knee. More than 650,000 arthroscopic procedures are performed on the knee each year in the US. In this study performed at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, researchers assessed pain relief and increased function following the surgery called arthroscopy for osteoarthritis of the knee. 180 patients were randomly assigned to receive the either the actual surgery or the “fake” placebo surgery. All patients went through the exact same experience. Brought into the operating room, had their knee prepped and surrounded by sterile drapes. The surgical staff acted as if they were “performing” the surgery, kept in the operating room for the same amount of time, received the same postoperative care, which included walking aids, graduated exercise program and “drugs”. Patients were followed for 2 years.

As expected the patients that received the actual surgery experienced decreased pain in the knee and improved function. What was shocking was the placebo group had equal benefit!

What explained this outcome?? It was belief and expectance! As the patients in both groups experienced the operation they likely released the powerful endorphins helping patients to overcome the hurdle of pain. Once that hurdle was overcome by the power of the mind, then the physical rehabilitation could begin.

Without hope, nothing could begin; hope offered a real chance to reach a better end.

Hope helps us overcome hurdles that we otherwise could not scale, and it moves us forward to a place where healing can occur.

Hurdles of Hope

1. Loss of Control - Many experiences and emotions can threaten hope. For instance, when it is perceived that the outcome of a situation can no longer be controlled, hopelessness may result (Yeasting & Jung, 2010). The biggest threat to hope is an inability to affect the kinds of changes people desire in their lives.

2. Lack of Support - Support is also a critical factor in the development of hope. While an absence of support can lead to isolation, hopelessness, and lack of motivation, an individual with a solid support network is better able to imagine positive possibilities (Adams & Partee, 1998).

3. Having only one path in mind.

4. Thinking the attainment of a goal will be easy. Nothing worthy of our efforts is ever easy.

Nurturing Hope

So, what can you do to nourish hope and infuse the circles you influence?

• Futurecasting. How well we can preview the future is the fundamental skill for making hope happen. What are you excited about right now? What future do you wish to create? Can you see it? Write down your goals. If you do it and it happens how does your life change? What benefits do you experience? See it. Feel it. (Imagine Old Doc Brown and his DeLorean’s flux capacitator in Back to the Future.)

• Growth Mindset - In short, mindset influences every aspect of your life, from work to sports, from relationships to parenting. If you believe you can change and develop, you know you can move beyond your present limitations. This makes a growth mindset the natural companion of hope.

• By finding success stories we can relate to. Identifying realistic, inspirational stories that you can personally relate to—stories of others who have successfully navigated similar difficulties or transitions.

• Remember personal strengths. identify times in the past when you lacked belief in your abilities and the future, but eventually prevailed. Strength mining serves as fuel for kindling the recognition that “I have the power to make it so.” Research shows that this type of reflection builds cognitive states connected to the internal belief that our life is within our control.

• Healthy “re-goaling.” Shane Lopez explains, “Re-goaling is where hope meets courage … Re-goaling requires us to let go of some of our dreams to make the best possible future.”

• Reframe barriers as challenges to be overcome.

Hope asks for nothing from us. It is accessible to all, available in abundant supply, and totally cost-free. All you need to do is decide that change is, indeed, possible and that your actions will result in a better life for you and others. I hope you'll put this knowledge to the test!

“Each of us stands in a long evolutionary line. Looking back, we honor the memories of our ancestors. Looking forward, we have an unknown and yet undeniable impact on our descendents. Individually and collectively, we are time travelers who, for better or worse, are making a difference in what happens next. The link between what was and what might be rests in our thoughts today. If our minds are filled with willpower and waypower for goals profiting only ourselves and not others, we advance the forces of unhappiness, divisiveness, fear, aggression, and destruction. If our minds are filled with hope for shared goals, however, our legacy will be a positive one. The changes necessary for this latter scenario are not easy, but they are doable. It is our choice, and the decision will be made in the most powerful polling booth of all—the human mind. My vote, for what it’s worth, is that we can get there from here.” Rick Snyder

Additional Resources:

Research

Snyder, C.R., 2009. Hope Theory: Rainbows in the Mind. Psychological Inquiry. Pages 249-275.

Baylor College of Medicine, 2002. Study Finds Common Knee Surgery No Better Than Placebo. Science Daily. Online at https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2002/07/020712075415.htm.

Books

Snyder, C.R., The Psychology of Hope. Simon & Schuster, Inc. New York, NY. 1994

Groopman, Dr. Jerome. The Anatomy of Hope: How People Prevail in the Face of Illness. Random House, New York, NY. 2004

Lopez, Shane. Making Hope Happen. Simon & Schuster, Inc. New York, Ny. 2013

Videos & Live Links

HOPE -- Shane Lopez -- Making Hope Happen interview
http://www.livehappy.com/shane-lopez-making-hope-happen

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